‘Twas the night of the Santa Crawl and all through downtown,
elves had delivered commemorative cups all around;
The posters were hung by the bouncers with care,
In the knowledge that crawlers soon would be there;
The children were nestled all snug in their beds;
With babysitters to watch them all night it was said;
And mamma in her G-string and I in my Santa cap,
Were anxious for well drinks and cold beers on tap,
With a Silver Legacy room code delivered on a platter ,
we’d settled so drinking and driving would not be a matter.
We gathered our drink cups our ID’s and cash,
And headed through the lobby and out to the bash.
The moon on our fur trim and new-fallen snow,
Gave a lustre of magic and we yelled “Ho ho ho!”
When what to our wondering eyes did appear,
But streets overflowing with Santas and rein-deer,
With a start-bar to visit then many more to pick,
I knew in a moment that pacing was the trick.
With a town full of drink specials and no two the same,
I named off our first stops and called them by name:
“Now, Abbey’s! now, Davidsons! now Shooters! then Drinx!
then Bubinga! then Doc Hoidays, then to 5 Star me thinks!
to the Reno Arch at 10 to sing carols with all!
The Little Nugget for a burgerl then continue the crawl!
With no hope of drinking at all of them but determined to try,
charity cups in our hands and a gleam in our eye;
We set our sights on our first stop and practically flew,
With sexy Mrs. Santas, and St. Nicholas too—
We found shot glasses clinking full of 90 proof
Yelling “Hello Santa!” and raising the roof.
Seeing smiles and red fur whenever I looked around,
and the creative costumes that seemed to abound.
We all drank responsibly and all traveled on foot,
If we got a bit tipsy we took a break and stayed put;
With bags full of goodies we slung on our back,
to give out to crawlers that passed by our pack.
Lighted costumes how they twinkled! flasher Santa how merry!
there were reindeer with red noses, and a green Christmas fairy!
Women in next to nothing with much skin to show,
and we wondered aloud how they stayed warm in the snow;
Grinches were grinning displaying big teeth,
And I swear in the distance I saw a walking wreath;
Decorated trees and a hippy Santa all mellow
a snowman that jiggled like a shot made of jello.
A red furred Mary Poppins and a right jolly old elf,
And I toasted when I saw them, in spite of myself;
So much white fur trim on suits made of red
The bars vibes were jolly with nothing to dread;
The magic of being Santa is what made it work,
It filled the night with new friends and nary a jerk,
As it finally wound down and the sun slowly rose,
I remembered the cups were for charity and where money goes,
Perhaps the best reason why this particular crawl rules,
All proceeds from cup sales go right to local schools.
So when I heard someone exclaim, I echoed it with a cheer—
“Happy Santa Crawl to all, let’s do it all again next year!”
By Ron Croxton